


it's okay

by lupescx



Series: can't wake up [1]
Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Kissing, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 17:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18392756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lupescx/pseuds/lupescx
Summary: Sometimes it was really, really hard to be in love with Jace. This was one of those times.





	it's okay

Sometimes it was really, really hard to be in love with Jace. This was one of those times.

There’s nothing romantic about unrequited feelings. No matter what the movies tell you, it hurts. It hurts and hurts and hurts when you know there is no chance of any reciprocation. So when Simon first realized he had begun to care for Jace, he wanted to bash his head into a wall.

Now, Simon is laying in bed, quietly seething. “Of all the people,” he says to himself. “It had to be him?”

Simon thinks back to earlier that day. Jace and him have a fun banter. It’s easy, so easy, until it isn’t. He thinks back to the playful smirk Jace had given him, so different from the initial spite and resentment in the beginning of their relationship. The carefully constructed lines, the jokes disguised as insults. Everything indicative of friendship. They toed the line of “what if’s”, but never crossed it.

Until today, when Jace had cocked his head and said _still rocking that vampire mojo, huh?_

And like an idiot, Simon had smirked right back and said _why, is it working?_

Jace had hesitated. Sitting across from another, perched on a couch, they had stared at each other. Jace said nothing, leaving Simon to his racing thoughts. This wasn’t like Jace. Jace, who always had a smooth answer. Jace, who never faltered, never gave any indication of his feelings unless he wanted to. Jace, who did not, and would never love Simon that way that Simon loved Jace.

Jace had hesitated, looked away, and stood up. _I— I have to go_.

And then he left, leaving Simon alone in his one-bedroom apartment.

So yes, Simon is seething. Not necessarily at Jace, but at the reckless feelings he projected onto Jace. Simon is an idiot.

Or so he thought, until a raucous pounding came to his door at 3:22 AM.

“Screw this,” Simon hisses, pulling himself out of bed. He hadn’t been able to sleep anyways, and if he was about to be murdered, then no better a time than now. He steps out of his bedroom, and makes his way to the front door. He pauses a moment, before unlocking it and letting it swing open.

It’s... Jace. Standing there, frazzled, in the middle of the night. In the dim light, Simon can make out the frenzy in his eyes.

“Wh—” Simon begins to speak, but Jace simply shakes his head, and steps inside the apartment. He closes the door.

“I needed to see you,” he says, and he sounds frantic, anxious. He runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it.

Simon shakes his head, disoriented. “In this economy?” He splutters, unsure of what he’s saying.

“Huh? No, look,” Jace says, and he’s pacing now, leaving Simon more confused than ever.

 “Hey,” Simon says. Jace ignores him. _“Hey,”_ he says again louder this time. Jace stops, and looks up.

 “Y-yeah?” He replies, and _is that a tremor in his voice?_

Talk about out-of-character.

“You need to calm down,” Simon says, holding his hands out in front of him. Jace nods, his face sheepish.

Jace takes a breath, and seems to be mentally preparing himself to say something. “I’m sorry,” he finally blurts out.

“You’re sorry?” Simon says after a second, feeling dazed. He’s not sure if Jace has ever formally apologized to him for something. If he had, it’s been a long time.

“Yes,” Jace says, and he does look repentant. Simon would feel sympathetic, if he weren’t so perplexed.

“Why?” Simon finally replies, and he thinks he has an idea but he’s _just not sure._  
“I’m pretty sure I hurt you,” Jace says, casting his gaze away. He looks ashamed. This night is full of surprises.

“Well,” Simon begins, but he falters. How do you respond to something like that? How do you tell someone that you’re pretty sure they’re the love of your life, and that you constantly think about them and yes, they did hurt you. Yes, it hurt, and yes, Simon had been upset. But he takes one look at Jace’s golden eyes, eyes filled with something Simon could only describe as desperation, and Simon’s words fall flat.

“It’s okay,” he says awkwardly, because no, it isn’t really, but he wants Jace to _stop looking so sad._

“No, it’s not,” Jace huffs. “It’s not okay. It hasn’t been okay for a long time.” Simon stares at him. A long time?

“Explain,” he says, and the conversation is starting to wake him up, Jace’s energy rubbing off on him.

“Okay,” Jace takes a breath. “Okay. I’m going to talk, and I want you to listen to what I am about to say.”

Simon nods.

Jace takes another breath. “I shouldn’t have ran away from you earlier today. It wasn’t right of me. I needed... to explain myself, which is why I’m here now. I couldn’t deal with it before.”

“Okay,” Simon says slowly, and _wow_ is that a popular word tonight. “continue.”

Jace closes his eyes. “I think about you. A lot. Probably far more than I should,” and he laughs, bitterly. “I can’t control it. Simon... I have a bad habit of running away from my problems. I’m... working on that. I guess... what I’m trying to say, is I like you. I was hoping... maybe... you might feel a similar way? About me?”

And it’s so much to process, so much to take in that Simon _laughs_. Here he is, thinking he’s destined to a lifetime of _what if’s_ and Jace, Jace Herondale is pouring out his heart like he’s an actor in some cliche, contrived romcom. It’s just too much.

So he laughs, a manic sound, and Jace takes a step back. A flash of hurt crosses his face, before his features harden.

“Right,” Jace says. He takes another step back, towards the door, and Simon realizes what he’s done.

“Jace,” Simon calls. Jace is already turning alway, but he freezes, and looks back. His face is cool, reserved, and it’s scary how he can do that, but Simon can see beyond the facade. He has the air of a wounded animal. So Simon does the only thing he can do, the only thing his desperate brain can think of that will make Jace stay.

He steps forward, into Jace’s space. Simon steps forward, and kisses him.

Jace tenses, but after a second, let’s himself lean into it. It’s soft, and it only lasts a few moments, but it’s more than enough.

They separate, and Jace exhales. “Huh,” he says.

“How eloquent,” Simon replies. But it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying, because they’re staring into each other’s eyes and Simon says,

“Do you... do you wanna do that again?”

Jace’s pupils are blown wide, and he nods, a little shakily. So they do, and this time, he’s prepared. Jace brings one hand up to caress Simon’s face and lets the other one cup his lower back, while Simon wraps his arms around Jace. It’s all a little overwhelming, and Simon can’t help but close his eyes and _just let it happen and stop thinking for once._

So they stand there, together, in each other’s space, with words unspoken between them. They stand together, and Simon knows everything will be okay.


End file.
